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Sunday, September 27, 2009

Puff Schmuff

Okay.. let's just call this Oh hell I don't know what to call it.

Meet my lopsided, falling over, super poofy shooting stars. Gah.

I'm covered in fakking flour, I have egg wash on my pants, my lips are burning because I figured "well maybe they'll taste good" before the lil bastards cooled off, and my heart is broken. I spent two days on these vols-au-vent thingies.

EEK! I forgot the important stuff during my initial ranting and raving!

The September 2009 Daring Bakers' challenge was hosted by Steph of a whisk and a spoon. She chose the French treat, Vols-au-Vent based on the Puff Pastry recipe by Michel Richard from the cookbook Baking With Julia by Dorie Greenspan.


Continue on with the craziness...

Palmier? BAHAHAHAA!


I stressed over the perfect fillings. I researched the perfect goat's cheese mousse. I squashed grapes for these things. And for what???

Notice the burnt "shooting star" on the right?


EVEN I'M EMBARRASSED TO SHOW YOU PHOTOS! Me! The gal who thrives on making a total ass of herself on the internets for your reading pleasure!

*sigh*

The chicken salad is placed ON THE SIDE because there were no INSIDES of these lil fakkers.

I had such high hopes. I still have one millimeter of a sliver of hope still.. but it's only like 1/8 inch high.. not "such high" as with the first batch. Everything was going so well.. SO WELL. I only had one tiny ooze of butter yesterday and that was on the first turn.. FIVE TURNS LATER and no oozing. I wanted to kiss my puff pastry dough because it was behaving SO WELL.

Oh I had poofiness alright.. just not the centered properly. :P


And then the oven. That dirty bastage. It was not nice to my first batch which was supposed to be filled with the best tasting chicken salad EVER. But there's NOTHING to fill people! I docked! Apparently not deep enough.. but who the hell knew?? I did forget the silpat on top.. but seriously? How unforgiving a recipe to mock you just because you forget the silpat after doing everything else correctly???

That puff pastry dough has some issues and it needs to see a therapist, tout de suite. And lemme tell you, that therapist will earn his/her money dealing with this dough. My oven needs to go too. Screw my oven. I keep her clean. I cook lovingly on top of her. There's NO NEED for this kind of behavior.

It's like a star shaped accordion. :P


I'm spent, kids. I'm. Spent.

Will post horrible photos later.. if I can talk my camera into not shutting it's lense in horror. If you happen to read this before I put my 2nd batch in (which is sitting, all shaped and stacked and egg washed in the fridge WITH A SILPAT ON TOP ALREADY), say a prayer for me. Please?

Baking Gods I rue the day you were given uhhh.. Baking Godness Powers. May the fleas of a 1000 camels infest your flour-y armpits!

:P~~~~~~~~~~~

xoxo

Okay well.. slightly tipsy, but look at that poof! And well.. it's not really bleeding.. that's a concord grape reduction. Ohh and I ended up not finding a goat's cheese mousse recipe that I liked, but I found an AWESOME goat's cheese custard recipe on David Lebovitz's site. Bless him. :D


***THIS JUST IN: 2nd batch is BEEE-U-TEEEFULLLLLLL!!!! it's all about the silpat. I'll be damned. Photos of these babies will definitely be added as soon as they are cool enough to fill. :D xoxox

Okay so maybe I got a lil uhmm.. frustrated before finishing. Oopsie. *grin* I haven't tried the goat's cheese custard & Concord grape reduction filled v-au-v's yet, but hubbs said they are fabulous. I did try the world's best chicken salad in a v-au-v and it was amazing. Eating the shell, just to taste it was very salty.. but you couldn't tell that with the fillings, thank goodness. :)

Thanks so much Steph! Even though I SPAZZED out, this was a great challenge and I'm glad I've now got puff pastry in my freezer! Yay! :)

Now that ya'll have seen my trainwreck.. go check out the 1000's of Vols-au-Vents on the Daring Baker's Blogroll
xoxo

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Comments on "Puff Schmuff"

 

Blogger Wic said ... (9/27/2009 5:10 PM) : 

oh you poor little thing.
it will all work out just fine. and if not give it a good hit with the rolling pin.

 

Anonymous anna said ... (9/27/2009 5:28 PM) : 

Oh no! The first time I made vol-au-vents, which was in class and the day BEFORE this challenge was announced, mine didn't rise at all. For the challenge they came out lovely. Things happen and puff pastry can be a jerk! I hope your second batch comes out wonderful!

(And you can poke down the middles while they're still hot if they're too poofy, with or without docking.)

 

Blogger Elle said ... (9/27/2009 6:23 PM) : 

Awww, do you forgive your poor oven now? I thought the silpat thing was stange, but damn if it did't keep 'em from getting tall and tipping over...well most of 'em. Looking forward to photos of beautiful vol au vents with chicken salad ..and....goat cheese mousse, too?? You rock for keeping at it Lis!

 

Anonymous MandyM said ... (9/27/2009 6:52 PM) : 

LOL!!!!!!!!
Oh man.... that made me laugh.

Miles of ranting to end with a few lines of: oh lookie! the 2nd batch worked!

Brilliant :)

Looking forward to seeing the pics :)

 

Blogger Esther said ... (9/27/2009 7:02 PM) : 

Glad the second batch worked will await the pics :)

 

Blogger Sara said ... (9/27/2009 8:14 PM) : 

it's not a failure, it's abstract!

ps - recipe for goats cheese and grape filling please.

 

Blogger Barbara Bakes said ... (9/27/2009 8:33 PM) : 

lol - sorry but I couldn't help but laugh! I'm so glad the 2nd batch was fabulous!

 

Blogger Wok Through the Fire said ... (9/27/2009 8:44 PM) : 

Way to hang in there! Nice job.

 

OpenID sleepingbearinthekitchen said ... (9/27/2009 8:47 PM) : 

Ya know, I am just not sure what all the hysteria is about.....Woman that puff is wonderful!!! Did you see the layers? Did you see the rise???? Ok, so there was an unruly element here and there but damn, I know you put Viagra in the flour!!!!!
Oh and please don't harm the oven just yet....how are we going to have breakfast bruschetta if you do that????

 

Blogger Faery said ... (9/27/2009 9:54 PM) : 

I like them. accordion like or beautiful they look delicious. You said it to our reading pleasure, I enjoy so much reading your posts.
Lis I had the same problem with the folling vols au vent, but as I don't have silpad I used aluminum foiland it worked well.
it seems they need guidance.

 

Anonymous Nidhi said ... (9/27/2009 9:58 PM) : 

Wish mine had risen that high........straight or lopsided.........puff's a puff ! You make me so envious :-).

 

Blogger Jennywenny said ... (9/27/2009 11:12 PM) : 

I had the same thing happen, I should have been brave and put the silpat on top, I just thought they wouldnt rise at all. The second batch looks awesome!

 

Blogger Sara said ... (9/28/2009 2:06 AM) : 

Haha, this is EXACTLY what happened with mine! I was so sad when I opened up the oven! At least they were really yummy, which it sounds like yours were also! :) Glad the second batch worked out...hopefully my leftover dough will also be more cooperative!

 

Blogger Audax said ... (9/28/2009 3:06 AM) : 

Lis well at least the first batch raised and raised and raised clearly you have got the layering of the dough and butter spot-on. I feel so sorry for you BUT love how you did another batch with the silpat and they seemed to work can't wait to see them. O the filling sound so delicious. I would of done a lasagna meal of layers of chopped up pastry and then the filling and so on sometimes these 'recovery' meals are the best. Cheers from Audax in Australia.

 

Blogger Ahmad said ... (9/28/2009 3:33 AM) : 

Hahahaha i don't want to laugh because i'll look like a mean asshole but i'm sorry that post was too funny hahahaha!!!

I can't stop laughing hahah!!!

Don't worry Lisa, you can always try again another time. Those pesky baking gods are so bi-polar, as well all know :)

 

Anonymous MandyM said ... (9/28/2009 6:02 AM) : 

Yay! Awesome! I'm glad you had a second go at it, what a fantastic rise.
So, does the oven get to stay?
:)
Fantastic post!

 

Blogger MeetaK said ... (9/28/2009 9:37 AM) : 

as always you are a trooper. that's funny about the silpat. with my square VAVs I completely forgot - but they came out nicely!

 

Anonymous Kim said ... (9/28/2009 12:14 PM) : 

LoL! So glad you got it to work the second time. They look delicious!

 

Blogger Lauren said ... (9/28/2009 3:18 PM) : 

I'm so jealous!! I can only dream of having rise like that =D. Beautiful job, even if it wasn't what you had hoped for!!

 

Blogger Wolf said ... (9/28/2009 5:41 PM) : 

*dies laughing*

I didn't use a silpat OR parchment on mine. But then, I DID use a baking stone instead.}:P

 

Blogger TeaLady said ... (9/28/2009 5:45 PM) : 

Not easy to make these, but fun. Love the last one. Look forward to seeing the 2nd batch photos.

 

Blogger Amy I. said ... (9/29/2009 1:58 AM) : 

Ahhhh quite the valiant effort! So glad your second attempt worked out better :)

 

Blogger Lisa Michelle said ... (9/29/2009 5:47 AM) : 

Lis, I luv you..I really do. I could not wait to read your entry and see your results. This was the jackpot of an entry because we got funny 'failure' and gorgeous, albeit funny too, success! Your second batch of vols au vents are gorgeous, and that filling of goat cheese custard and concord grape reduction is slurpa-creamylicious. However, I kind of think your keeling star 'accordians' look purdy damn good too!

 

Blogger alana said ... (9/29/2009 7:21 AM) : 

Oh- hold a grudge against that oven. It's going to need to do more than make a perfect batch of puff pastry to make that one up to you. You've got me interested in the world's best chicken salad. What's in that stuff?

 

Blogger shaz said ... (9/29/2009 9:17 AM) : 

Oh way to go Lis - glad it worked out in the end. And I hear ya! Had a run in with the baking gods too (so unforgiving for forgetting the little eggwash offering)

 

Blogger steph- whisk/spoon said ... (9/29/2009 10:34 AM) : 

ok, so they kinda slumped over, but they puffed! really high, with fantastic layers! and i'm sure they were crispy and buttery and wonderful with your fantastic fillings! xoxo!

 

Blogger Aparna said ... (9/29/2009 11:41 AM) : 

First of all, thanks for keeping me in splits as always.;-D
Second, frankly, I wouldn't have minded a bit of "poof" in mine. Even without the weight on top, they didn't rise all that much.
And now don't tell me that lovely "puffed" pastry didn't taste nice and flaky and crunchy?

 

Anonymous veron said ... (9/29/2009 5:04 PM) : 

My sides are hurting from laughing, sis! You make the best commentaries on baking disasters. It looks pretty good to me, though. Hey, I've had my share of fillings that needed to be put on the side because there was no where to fill! And yes, making laminated dough might require a therapist, how soon you forget our croissant challenge...hee!

 

Blogger Jill said ... (9/29/2009 11:02 PM) : 

I'm so glad that your second batch turned out beautiful! Even though a few of your pics showed them on the sides--there is still a ton of flaky layers and they looked great! That chicken salad looked and sounded AMAZING!!

 

Blogger Dharm said ... (9/30/2009 8:04 AM) : 

Good on you for persistence! I like the "puff pastry dough has some issues and it needs to see a therapist," almost fell of my chair laughing! Looking forward to the silpat covered v-a-v!

 

Anonymous The Cooking Ninja said ... (9/30/2009 10:30 AM) : 

Love your post and your little puff stars - they are truly original and beautiful :)

 

Anonymous kellypea said ... (10/02/2009 8:10 AM) : 

I love it when you say "bastages." Thanks for the belly laugh first thing in the a freaking m Lis. And I tell yah. Do you know how bad I wanted to not put the silpat over my vols? Just look at that gifted rise you got girl. Jeeeeeeeeeeeez. I'd snark a bit o' those tasty things. No problema.

 

Blogger breadchick said ... (10/10/2009 9:02 AM) : 

I know I haven't been by for a while but I needed a good laugh and knowing you and your DB posts, I knew right were to come!

Of course, I'd eat anything that came out of your oven, good day or not :-)

hugs and kisses,
Breadchick Mary

 

Blogger The Stoner Gourmand said ... (10/10/2009 10:52 PM) : 

Chaos is beautiful. I bet they tasted delicious and that's what counts!!!

 

Blogger Ago said ... (10/13/2009 6:30 AM) : 

Lisa you are great!!! :-DDDD
Your puff is so high...fantastic, truly fantastatic!!! Bravissima! :-D
Do you have received my last mail?
Many many kisses
Ago :-D

 

Anonymous Christine Medifast said ... (11/11/2009 3:37 PM) : 

Must say,

Love these! Even if you think you totally messed up they are the neato. Yes I just said neato! Couldn't spell the word I was thinking of :P

Puff schmuff they look awesome and probably taste even better.

Thanks for sharing this!

Christine M.

 

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